Wait! Uhh…so…why don’t we sit on couches?

I’ve had plenty of people ask me about the word/phrase “wedontsitoncouches”. There are two separate occurrences in my life where this phrase randomly popped into my mind. It’s my pleasure to share those stories and the birth of the phrase with you.

Story #1
The year was 2009. I had just returned to New York City after completing an 8 month cruise ship tour of the Mediterranean. Yep. For 8 months I lived on a cruise ship, working as a singer by night and frolicking through almost every country bordering the sea during the day. Once my 8 month dream gig was up, I took a little extra time to see some must-see European sites before heading back to NY to resume my life as a not-so-struggling-but-constantly-auditioning actor/singer.
One day as I was lounging in one of New York’s many random outdoor seating areas, enjoying the springtime sun and waiting for a lesson with my vocal coach, I locked eyes with a gentleman who was familiar to me. He was one of those random people who I knew from just being out and about in NY; church, auditions, the like. Well we struck up a conversation during which he asked me what I did. I told him about my fabulous life as an actor/singer/traveller and his reply was “Don’t you think if you just settled down a bit you wouldn’t be single?”

I’m sorry. What?
Here I am, on top of the world feeling pretty great that I’ve just completed a gig that has allowed me to both perform and travel. That same job allowed me to save enough loot to live in one of the most expensive cities in the world sans day job so that I can pursue my dream further…and this dude is suggesting that if I just “settle down” I’d have a man. Is that supposed to be the most important thing to me?
My immediate thought in that moment was “Well, if you want a woman who’s just going to stay at home and sit on the couch, that’s definitely not me.”

Story #2
Good thing I didn’t “settle down” because the following year I booked another dream gig, the North American Tour of The Lion King. So it’s 2011 and I’m taking a much-needed vacation. I decided on Aruba. It was my first time in the Caribbean and I was travelling alone as I do often. I was enjoying myself immensely. The perfect blue water, fine white sand beaches, peace and quiet, laid back island mentality and a temperature that never dipped below 78 degrees spelled H-E-A-V-E-N to me. As a solo traveller I enjoy plenty of alone time to explore but I also like to take part in group excursions from time to time. I was on such an excursion when I encountered a lovely older couple. The wife was quite concerned but also impressed that I was travelling by myself and had no husband or boyfriend accompanying me.

Sidebar: Why does a single woman concern people so much?

The couple, specifically the wife, began to inquire about my life and my profession. I told her about being on tour and how I travel, non-stop, with the show. I told her about other travels for both work and leisure and how I really enjoy doing what I do. She was intrigued and impressed. At one point her husband, who had been silent during most of the exchange, looked at me and said “So, I guess you don’t really have time for a man, huh? You probably just want to stay single.”


Here we go again.

“Well, no.” I replied. “I don’t want to be single all my life. I do desire to meet a man and fall in love and be married. But I’m not going to sit on the couch and twiddle my thumbs and wait for him to magically appear in front of me. I’m going to live and enjoy my life.”
The wife laughs. “Sounds good to me.”

The Moral
Anyone who is meant to be in your life, romantic, platonic or otherwise, is going to be in your life while you’re living life. If anyone is suggesting or requiring you to put your own passions or purpose aside for their own comfort, that raises questions about whether that person is meant to be there.

Lately, I’ve been saying this phrase a lot as a way of encouraging people to live their lives, specifically in the area of travel. Yes, travel is a passion of mine. I always tell people I want to see every cave, every rock, every sea, every everything. I want to take it all in and enjoy it. I think the world is such a beautiful gift from God and travelling has expanded my mind and my outlook on life. People often comment that they would be afraid to travel alone or experience certain adventures that I’ve enjoyed. My answer to that? A life of fear is no life at all. A life of fear allows you to merely survive, but not thrive. Life is lived out in the world, not on the couch in the “comfort” of the familiar.

There’s no need to sit and wait for someone else to validate your dreams, talents or desires. If they’re God-given, they’re valid.

It’s ok to get up and live! Take that trip with your mom or your friends. Treat yourself. Do something you truly enjoy. If there’s no one available to go with you, it’s perfectly ok to go alone.

Fear will keep you seated and grounded. Fear is stupid! Kick it in the teeth by doing the thing that’s a little bit scary to you. You will be surprised how one small victory will prove to you that anything is possible. Conquering fear leads you on a never-ending path to freedom.

Fear is Stupid

so…get up. Go live. Be free.

Featured Image from “Encouraged…The finer points of glacier climbing.
Sólheimajökull Glacier, Iceland


35 thoughts on “Wait! Uhh…so…why don’t we sit on couches?

  1. LOVE THIS! I will use the hashtag in appreciation of you and your epiphany’s. I certainly had mine this year and look forward to to seeing many more of your excursions! PROUD OF YOU!


    1. Thank you so much I’na for taking the time to read, comment, and share. I’m so excited to be able to tell more stories as I have more experiences so stay tuned!!


  2. Girl I love this, and you know I dont sit on couches either … This reminds me of the time I was on a cruise to the Bahamas where I kept getting the question why would you travel alone, don’t you have a man or friends? And my reply was I was also BORN ALONE….

    Can’t wait to read more


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Buyi!! I know you don’t sit on couches…LOL. I remember you telling me that story about your cruise to the Bahamas. Keep livin’ girl, and let everybody else catch up. There’s more to come very soon!!


  3. I love this too. I have also traveled solo and encountered the same questions. We are living our lives not waiting for things to happen. You are so inspiring Tryphena. I think you should have your own travel show.


  4. Oh I absolutely love this post. I am currently living my dream as a traveler albeit on a less grander scale. I am hoping to build up the courage to travel solo. You are an inspiration,


  5. My little sister! While I am your older sister I have learned sooooooooo much from you. Your wise thoughts have encouraged me so. Thank you for notsittingoncouches. I am amazed everyday by what God is bringing you to and showing you in the things good and bad he has allowed you to experience. Love you.


  6. Thank you! I’m so happy to wake and read this (your) blog this morning. Thank you for encouraging and inspiring me and others! I ❤️ #wedonsitoncouches


  7. This is amazing. I don’t know how many times I have been asked questions like why are you still single, when are you getting married and all that kind of stuff. I always tell people that I dont have to sit and wait until I get married to start living my life. This was worth reading and I am going to share.


    1. Absolutely!! It’s unfortunate that so many people, men and women, tie a young woman’s life success to the changing of her last name. We have passion and purpose outside of that. Keep living your life sis and those who are supposed to be in your life will come. Thank you for commenting and sharing!


  8. Such a great post! I received the same looks and questions since I had been single most of my adult life. Travel became my passion and helped me survive through some tough life changes. Having something to look forward to keeps me going and excited! Now that I’m a committed relationship I hope for the support of my passion. I was on a Mediterranean cruise in September! And saw the Lion King twice on Broadway. It’s wonderful that you have a talent that allows you to live out your passion for travel!


    1. Thank you so much for reading and responding. I’m so happy for you that you were able to use travel to help you deal with major life changes. AND I’m happy that you’ve found yourself in a committed relationship. Hopefully, you will be able to share your passion for travel with your partner. It is my hope that I will find someone who is as passionate as I am about seeing and experiencing the world! Didn’t you just love the Mediterranean? It’s such a beautiful part of the world. And I feel very blessed that my passion for theatre has helped me explore the world! Thank you so much for your comment and wonderful energy!


  9. I’m Amman and also another fellow single solo traveler. I enjoy the solitude as well as making my own schedule and not having to consult with anyone about what to do next. God bless you!


    1. Thank you so much Hellen! I love to travel and experience life and it’s my privilege to be about to share my experiences and encourage others to live and enjoy life. Thank you for reading and commenting.


  10. I love this so much!!! Definitely an awesome motto to have and one I think that’s going to stick with me now when people talk to me about this :). Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t chosen travel, but then if I just sat on the couch there’s no way I would have met the amazing people and seen the amazing things I have!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I appreciate this so much!

    I’m a travel newbie, never left the US. After a freeing breakup with a blood sucking parasite of a boyfriend, I felt compelled to do things. All the things! Things I was terrified to do but wanted to. Things that were damn near impossible with him around. Things I’m told are dangerous, like going overseas alone.

    Every person I tell that I’m traveling alone looks at me like “By yourself, why?!”. I’m like, “Because I want to.” o_o

    Like I need a damn security team or something.

    Anyway, I know one thing for sure – marriage is no longer a goal, and traveling is about to be my new love.

    And reading your blog is inspiring a new entry into my own.

    Have fun on your future travels! Maybe we’ll bump into each other somewhere on the globe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting Taja. Well, I’m happy that your new found freedom is bringing you a new level of courage. People will often try to project their fears upon you. Don’t live by fear! LOL…One of my mantras is “Fear Is Stupid”. It does absolutely nothing for you. I always say be cautious, do your research, and be wise…and then LIVE. I’m glad to be able to inspire you in this way. Check out this post if you have a chance (https://wedontsitoncouches.com/2016/04/23/solodolo-kick-the-fear-and-go-alone/). I’m talking about this very subject.
      Enjoy your travels, girl!!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Great philosophy of why you don’t sit on couches. I completely agree that too many people, both men and women, assume that you want to be single because you have other life goals that can exist before marriage. Kudos to you doing you! Thanks for sharing your joy as a fellow solo female traveler.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and thank you for this comment. I absolutely LOVE to travel and I can’t wait to share this passion with a significant other some day. Until then, I’ll keep collecting stories and experiences to share!


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