June is here! Summer is here! That means trips, galore!! Summer vacations and study abroad and quickie trips, oh my!
It’s time to travel…well, it’s ALWAYS time to travel. But this is the time of year when the masses travel. And what that inevitably means is we’ll all be hopping flights, making our way from Cancun to Christchurch and every place in between.
There are a great many things about flying that are simply out of our control. We’ve all encountered that one annoying passenger who feels that the crowded plane they are sitting on is, in fact, their private jet. We’ve all had to suffer through a flight with a child who just won’t mind their parents. And many of us have witnessed the stress of an ill passenger aboard the plane who maybe forgot to put their medicine in their carryon. When choosing to step onboard a pressurized metal tube and hurl yourself at unimaginable speeds and altitudes to a faraway land, one must keep their wits and sense intact. There are things we can’t control…and yet, there are many things that we can avoid.
I wanted to get the viewpoint of someone in the flight industry. So I reached out to my friend Dewayne Q. who, as a flight attendant, spends much of his time flying the friendly skies. He was kind enough to gather the experiences of his fellow flight professionals and break down some basic things that might keep us all (passengers and flight attendants) sane in this season. This is what I like to call “How not to annoy the mess out of your flight crew and fellow passengers”.
From the mouths of your Flight Attendants…
1) If you and/or your children are picky eaters, you may want to consider bringing some extra snackage (I totally made that word up). We only have so much milk and considering that stuff isn’t refrigerated, I wouldn’t give it to my neighbor’s dog.
2) Overhead space is a shared space and it’s not our fault that your bag won’t fit! It’s also not our fault that you and your spouse or family member didn’t get seats together. Oh! And stop getting upset if the flight is full and you just so happen to get a seat next to a person of size. No one has a personal vendetta against you!
3) Standing in the aisle with your child while there’s turbulence or we’re on final approach (nearly on the ground) is really not a great idea!
Get ready for the rough ones…
4) No clipping of finger nails or toe nails at your seat!!! Disgusting! And keep your shoes on…No one wants to smell your funky feet for several hours!
…and while we’re on the subject of feet…
5) Keep your shoes (and your kids shoes) on in the restroom…eeeeeks!
6) Take a shower the day you travel…
7) Use the bathroom before boarding. And STOP sending your churrins (ahem…’children’) to the lav while the flight is in turbulence and the seat belt sign is on, all while telling the FA “it’s ok!” while YOU sit snugly and securely in your seat WITH your seatbelt fastened!!!!😡😡
8) ALWAYS have a jacket or sweater. Invest in one of those windbreakers that folds into a square & fits in your pocket. You can’t come on the plane wearing a band-aid & a thong and get mad at me because we don’t have a down comforter on the plane for your freezing butt. Yeah, you’re coming from Belize on Christmas break, but you LIVE in Jackson Hole, so what do you think the weather is gonna be like on your way back home?! Besides, you may feel cold on the plane, but the crew is NOT gonna ask the cockpit to crank the heat for you. We’re working, so we keep it cool. Plus, cold air kills the nasty germs you left on the tray table – you know, the one your feet and snot tissues were on the entire flight?
9) Actually read the magazine in your seat back pocket so when we get to your row during service we can get your order. If I ask you would you like a drink, don’t say yes and look away.😳 What kind?
10) Pleaseeeee stop asking if the flight is full especially when we are halfway through boarding and you see other bodies onboard. If you wanted an empty flight you should have hired a private jet. Also, please stop asking me the ETA especially if we are on time. When you booked your ticket you should have gotten the memo as to what time you’re expected to land. I know you told your ride what time to pick you up. Look at the time on your phone when we take off and do the math to figure out what time we’re landing. And please stop asking me “how much longer?”. I don’t clock watch…. you’re not doing anything more that twiddling your thumbs so you have nothing but time to keep up with the time😂😂. WOOSAAAHHH!!!
…basic do’s and don’ts…
11) Do say please and thank you.
Don’t poop and then leave the lav door open once you’re done. 💩💩
Do use your inside voice.
Don’t hand me trash if I don’t have a trash bag in my hand.
Don’t ask me what we’re flying over.
Do share a short 30-60 second anecdote about your life.
Don’t ramble on for 20 minutes about your grandkids’ first visit to Disney
13) We just want people to be considerate. We are human beings too. Just know we are doing our jobs and we’re not being a pain in the ass for fun. And ummm…don’t touch us because 95% of people don’t wash their hands 😳😳😳
…wait, one more…
14) Finally, for now, when you travel internationally you should always carry a pen! I’m not giving you my only pen to fill out your mandatory customs form because you were irresponsible and did not carry a pen. #RantOver
Whew! Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?!
The bottom line is, we all want to get to the final destination safely and with as little stress and delay as possible. Your flight attendants want the same things you want so keep them on your side. Remember: they’re your advocate…and your boss when you’re on their plane. Don’t make the bosses mad…🤗🤗🤗
Happy Summer and Safe Travels folks!! And if you see Dewayne in an airport near you, say hey!!
**DISCLAIMER: we’re both so fabulous and jet-setting that we didn’t have time for a more recent picture. But don’t worry! This youth and beauty has not faded!
**UPDATE: Recently, Dewayne and I were able to meet up in NYC. See, told you the good looks don’t fade!